‘Yay,’ I whispered loudly, ‘my book is here!’

This is me, holding the first copy of my first book for the first time!

Imagine, if you will, that your lifelong dream has just come true! You’ve been anticipating the Big Day, and it arrives, the dream is born… and you can’t really tell anyone.

Well, you can, technically, but it would just be… rude? Insensitive? Tone deaf?

Whatever adjective you choose, let me just tell you, tooting your own horn, however quietly, makes an oogie, sniggly feeling in the pit of your stomach.

Here’s the thing: My very first book was officially published today, June 8, 2020: “The Elements of Horse Spirit — The Magical Bond Between Humans and Horses.”

“Yay,” I exclaim in a loudish whisper… sort of on the level of a “psssst…”

How are you supposed to celebrate something in times like these? It was one thing when we were just dealing with coronavirus and Murder Hornets, but right now, the only thing on everyone’s radar is the murder of George Floyd, and the broad and wide wake of pain and protest that followed. As well it should be. No other topic should take precedence at this moment because racism is the fabric of this country, and it’s damn well long past time we did something about it.

And yet, other things in life are quietly happening on the sidelines that deserve celebration… graduations, weddings, new babies. And also, lifelong dreams coming true, like finally being able to say, “I am an author!” Sitting at home and writing was literally all I ever really wanted to do, I mean, other than become a country western superstar, and Debbylou Harris I ain’t. But I became an author, finally, the Queen of the Late Bloomers, and my first book is finally here!!!

Ummm… ugh.

Shining a light on my milestone in the midst of the larger societal picture sort of feels like standing up in the middle of a funeral and yelling, “I got a pony!!!”

What an asshole.

Gulp.

And yet, I can’t just let the book drift away unnoticed either. I’m sorta supposed to be a partner in making this book a success. My publisher, Llewellyn Worldwide, has even featured me and my book in their inaugural LunaCon  author talk week, planned June 12-18, and on Tuesday, June 16, from 10:15-10:45 p.m. (Pacific Time), I will make my very first public debut as a published author! Wow! (Yes, you can attend: sign up for LunaCon here.) I am right in there with so many authors I’ve admired for years, and it’s a little intimidating and I hope I don’t choke, but I’ll do my best to bring my enthusiasm for the healing power of Horse Spirit to all the attendees.

I’m really excited about moving to the “adult table” of the writing world (everything I’ve written prior was on newsprint, and that goes straight into the recycling bin), and had COVID-19 not reconfigured all of our lives indefinitely, I’d be doing book-signings all over the place. I even was all prepared to face my flying fear, because flying around is something real authors do, and despite my dread of flying, I was gonna do it. I even bought new luggage a couple months ago, that didn’t need to be held together with a bungie cord, and here we are — stuck in Ironyland. Faced the fear, got the luggage, have a reason to do it and… not possible. Oh well, the supersized suitcase makes a lovely rack for all my clothes I’m too lazy to hang up and put away.

How can you not chuckle, a little, at my amazingly bad timing: First, not able to do the book signings I’d always imagined and, second, not really feeling wonderful about celebrating my book at all. Oh well, I’ll bumble along as best I can. I presented my predicament to my wonderful Llewellyn editor, Heather, and she sympathized and made a great suggestion: Share something helpful and healing from the book, because everyone needs that right now. Perfect!

This is an extremely condensed version of a tiny bit of what is in my book, but here are a couple things you can do to ease your mind and soul in the midst of the one-two punch of a pandemic and the tides of social unrest that bring change:

~  Consider all the qualities of Horse Spirit: Strength, courage, swiftness, grace, honesty, power, determination, beauty. Gather images of horses, or things associated with horses, wear horse symbols, collect them, and let them serve as prompts… invite the qualities of Horse to come into your life and carry you through whatever is troubling you.

~  Consider spending time with horses, even if you don’t have a lot of experience. You could volunteer at an equine-assisted therapy center, and not only be near some kind, loving horses, but also help some people who really need it. These centers are all over the place, and offer treatment for everything from autism to spinal injuries. Spending time with such big, gentle, spiritual creatures is grounding and nurturing.

If you have access to a horse, spending time with one simply as a companion, just walking and grazing, teaches you to “be here now” — you’ll learn to only focus on what you’re aware of with your five senses in that moment, rather than swirling in your head around all your worries. It’s really okay to take a breather from everything that erodes your serenity for just a little while. Trust me, all your problems and concerns will be right where you left them when you go back home.

So, there are a couple eensy, teensy morsels from my book, in which there is much more detail on these two topics and more, but you can use these two right now. Just find some horses, even online in videos, and watch them. Slow your breathing down… just watch. See if you don’t feel calmer for that little bit of time. Horses are our oldest spiritual allies, They’ve moved humankind forward through the centuries, and they’ll do the same for us now, on a metaphysical level.

I could go on and on about the wonderfulness of horses, but hey — I already did, and it’s in my book, which you can order on Amazon or directly from Llewelleyn right here. If I may be so bold, I’ll venture to say that it might be the kind of book that soothes your soul right about now. And since we’re all stuck at home, you’ll even have time to read it!

“So, yay, today my book was born!” I whisper loudly. I hope you enjoy it. I hope it brings you peace and whimsy and fascination and new ideas. May the Horse be with you!

(Programming note: This book is not appropriate for children, and is Pagan in its perspective.)

See that date? My book was born today!

 

Rebooted reboot

I know, I know, I know…

I popped back in from outer space on January 1, all ready to reboot this blog and get back to opining about all sorts of things about which no one asked my opinion, and then… *crickets*

So, a funny thing happened on the way to that reboot. Not “haha” funny, but unusual and highly distracting. I realize that “highly distracting” means almost nothing coming from someone who darts off after the first “Squirrel!” but this time, I think these things will qualify even for those with the most steadfast spans of attention.

I was waiting to really get going on blogging again until my book cover was done and I could swing down that path. Because yes, people, Squirrel or no, I did manage to complete my first book last year and all in all, I am pretty damn pleased with it and myself.

To kick off my celebration of finally accomplishing something, I attended the annual Pagan convention, Pantheacon, in mid-February and went to Llewellyn Worldwide’s author gathering, and saw my book cover for the first time! What a surprise, and what a peak experience that was! I was over the moon. So yes, “The Elements of Horse Spirit — The Magical Bond Between Humans and Horses” is happening, my friends! I have photographic evidence, and also heard that it went to press two weeks ago. It’s available for pre-order on Amazon right now! How cool is THAT!

I returned from Pantheacon all set to shine a spotlight on the next leg of my life’s journey and got slammed with an unexpected surprise. After many years of relentless arm pain and restriction, it turns out I had not only a bone spur under the end of my collarbone, digging right into the nerve that runs to the deltoid muscle, but also two rotator cuff tears — one partial, and one a full thickness tear, the latter of which being the truly troublesome part.

After consulting with a surgeon, a specialist, and my own dear doc, the opinion was unanimous: The rotator cuff must be repaired before the severed ends scar over because at that point, it will no longer be repairable. At that point, I’d be looking at a shoulder replacement. And ANY replacement of ANY body part weirds me the hell out, so that was incentive enough to make my decision easy.

In February, the surgeon gave me a window of six months to repair the damage. Initially, I wanted to do what all good journalists do, and push that surgery out to the last possible moment… let all that good old deadline energy propel me through. However, both the specialist and my doc said, “Do it NOW.” I have to wonder if both of them knew that coronavirus was heading our way, and if I stalled, there’d be a good chance my surgery would be denied as “non essential” during the midst of this pandemic. Thankfully, whether foresight or conservative medical opinion, I did as they said, and had my shoulder repaired on March 3.

I went in for surgery, and the world was relatively normal, albeit caution about hand-washing and being aware of activities that might spread the virus was floating around. I came out of surgery, and the entire world turned upside down. Within one week, the shelter-in-place orders went into effect in California and we were all thrust into a new, unfamiliar reality. And possibly not a temporary one. We will likely be living this way until a vaccine is found, and that could take as long as 18 months, so, well… maybe invest in a bidet because that’s a LOT of toilet paper that we don’t have, my friends.

What does this all have to do with your alleged writing reboot, Debra? Jeez, get ON with it.

Well, it’s this: I imagined that even though I had to wear a bulky arm sling 24-7 for the entire first month, I’d still be able to write. I imagined wrong. Sitting at the computer with that thing on required uncomfortable contortions that made focusing on writing pretty much impossible, and my hand and arm were as weak as a newborn kitten. Beyond the physical discomfort, I discovered that following general anesthesia, plus extreme sleep deprivation due to the sling and only being able to sleep (or attempt it, rather) in a recliner, I’d lost my words as if someone locked the room in my brain where they all are. Locked out! I struggled to find the exact word I was trying to say, and to even finish a sentence. For someone who lives in a world of words, this was most unsettling. I said a lot of things like, “I need to go get that thing to do that… thing… ” and sometimes I’d hear a sentence come out of my mouth and my ears would detect that I didn’t use the words I’d intended to. That was upsetting all by itself.

And then the coronavirus tsunami washed over us all.

It didn’t take long before my good old pal Anxiety roared back into my life, further paralyzing my ability to write anything longer than a snarky Facebook post. What irony, right? Suddenly I’m gifted with endless time to write, and between physical discomfort and psychological anguish over our impending collective doom… I’m unable to write a damn thing. And so… I gave up on writing for the rest of March, and on into early April, until I could get the sling off. Just completely furloughed my brain and decided that epic hours spent playing Candy Crush and watching reruns of The Office was forgivable under the circumstances. “Just heal,” I told myself. “That’s all you need to do.” And so, the days wore on, just an endless cycle of changing from P.M. pajamas to A.M. pajamas and back again.

Until this morning. Today is the first time in nearly six weeks that I’ve been able to sit at a keyboard and use both hands without pain, AND have enough psychological bandwidth to write something reasonably coherent. Milestone, people! Yes, the whole coronavirus thing is running like a ticker tape through the back of my brain, but as I said… this is now our reality. I must teach myself to write again in spite of it, because this is where we’re stuck, and this is where we’ll stay. Thank Goddess it’s totally comfy to write in PJs, which ironically was always my ultimate dream. Somehow, I didn’t quite imagine it this way, but this is what it is.

And here we are, all the way to the end of a column! Hopefully my writing Muse has been kickstarted! This may not be my best work, but hey — it’s SOME work, and that’s more than I’ve done since January. It may contain typos because my post-surgery anxiety-saturated brain is still struggling a bit, so apologies in advance. But hopefully, my reboot is officially rebooted! Now if we just could go awhile without anything else funny happening. (Note to the Universe: No more surprises, please. Enough’s enough. You’ve made your point: Control is all an illusion. We get it. Don’t be a dick and hammer it home. Nobody likes a dick.)

Me, seeing the cover of my book for the first time at Llewellyn Worldwide’s authors party at Pantheacon in February 2020!